Bringing the shadow into the light of day is the most empowering aspect in our search for wholeness. The power of a healing relationship relates directly to our ability to grow from our experiences and mature beyond our less conscious interpretations of a balanced relationship.
The health of a conscious relationship depends on our willingness to embody both masculine and feminine attributes: the light and the dark, the yin and the yang, the conscious and the unconscious. We contain within our being all expressions of duality – the goal of conscious awareness being the realization of this fact.
We are whole beings seeking full expression – there are no parts which need to be ignored, released, or rejected, only integrated back into conscious awareness. When we embrace the shadow of our being we take back all authority to create in a fully conscious and co-creative manner with Spirit. We gain full use of the beingness of wholeness while attaining a clear perspective of a unified vision of All That Is.
The process of becoming conscious makes use of the many varied expressions that reside within each of us. We make use of the receptive, nurturing and intuitive side of our being while embracing the active, assertive, and rational aspects as well. It is this balance, this balanced wholeness that brings to us the greatest gift of empowered living.
A conscious relationship allows for this expression. It empowers in our partner the ability to “not need us,” “to be fully present without us,” “to embrace our shadow while testing our levels of authority.” In the full expression of wholeness, we no longer need to feel needed, to be nurtured by the other or to be have things a certain way. We are living a balanced, expressive life in accord with our Soul. And this expression brings us all the fullness of authentic self expression without strings attached to the unconscious shadow.
The process of connecting with our Soul is a truly personal experience, and the more conscious we are in this endeavor, the more rewarding the results. There is also another Soul of which we are a part: the Soul of a relationship. As a growing and evolving part of humankind’s evolution, the construction of a conscious relationship also aids our progress toward the unity perspective. It is an endeavor to bring conscious awareness to those aspects of ourselves which have defied integration and which seek a more inclusive and unified expression.
The Soul of our relationship brings forth the kind of energy that allows us to express a balance of masculine and feminine attributes and allows us to see in our partner those parts of ourselves which require integration. What follows are a few suggestions for making your relationship more conscious, more open, more loving without the strings of attachment. Center your awareness in your heart as you seek to embrace the quality of unconditional love which generates a truly conscious and whole relationship.
Practical ways to implement the art of conscious relationships:
1. Do your own excavating of your shadow – understand yourself and your projections. As we gain a more comprehensive understanding of our own shadow, we can see it in action and in the mirror of our partner. We can grasp the whims of the child, the demands of the mother, the anger of the father. We glimpse the power struggles of our youth and the way those are still acting out in our life today. Shadow work allows for the conscious recognition through which change is initiated. It is with conscious awareness that we can make the choice to stop repeating old patterns. But first we must see the patterns in the reflection of others.
2. Make a clear assessment of what you need from the relationship which is empowering to both individuals or all parties concerned. Evaluating what we really need in the relationship is often illusive. We may think we need sex, when we really need intimacy; we may think we need help when we actually want freedom; we may be trying to find control in ways that are disempowering to others. Consider through the Inner Counselor Process, what the underlying unmet needs are that are moving you to react in unhealthy ways. Allow yourself to connect with this wisdom through the Higher Self, as Dr. Nunley illustrated last week in the guided process of connecting with The Higher Self and a Sanctuary of Peace. Listen again to the podcast of Engage the Wisdom of the High Self with the Transformational Process of Inner Counselor™ to better understand how to connect with the basic unmet needs and bring about their transformation to the intrinsic qualities of the Soul.
3. Use the energy management techniques of being grounded and centered and connected to your Soul. (Listen to the podcast Spiritual Alchemy: How to Transform Your Life with Dr. Christine Page and read Beginning the Process of Spiritual Alchemy Through Soul Connection) – and then add the component of the Soul Bubble. Here’s how it works: Picture in your mind’s eye your favorite color. The first one that pops into your head will be the right one. But you can try on others if you need to. See the color like a burst water balloon underneath your feet, spilled out all over the floor. Now breathe in the color from the bottom of your feet, drinking it into every fiber and cell of your body. Carefully fill up each part of the body from your toes to your head, taking all the time you need initially to do this. Eventually it will happen very quickly. Now picture the color extending from your pores to 1 inch all around your body; now let it expand to 6 inches away from still including the body; now allow it to move out to 12 inches from the body; breathe the color all through your body and let it extend out to 24 inches all around your body below your feet, above your head, front and back… all around and through the body. Now take the color out to a comfortable 36 inches, just beyond arms length, all around the body. Sit in this space and notice the feeling of security, safety, strength, control, empowerment, and peace. This is YOU in your body aligned with SOUL. This is you in a safe, secure and trusting place. This is the energetic position you should optimally always assume. This is YOU in complete control and fully present.
4. When you have yourself energetically present, speak up clearly from an “I” perspective and non defensively, state your feelings. For example, “I feel so incapable when you try to do everything for me.” You might even have a suggested way that would make you feel more empowered. “I would really like it if you helped me learn how to change the tire rather than always doing it for me.” Timing is everything, so don’t wait until the heat of the argument to make your case. It is always good to ask for a time out if you need it in order to gather your energy, set your energy boundaries, and reframe your thoughts and intentions. By checking your Soul Bubble throughout the day, you can adjust it when needed. You will begin to notice when the bubble rips, tears, or punctures and who or what is causing you to react this way. Take time each hour to check your energy boundaries and groundedness. You will be so glad you have! You are taking the conscious path to creative wholeness by being more fully present and responsible for your thoughts and actions.